I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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