we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there's paper in my vomit.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
