We're like a lot better than the average bears
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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