don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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