Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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