just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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