I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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