She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
