Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
