That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
