There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
