Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
