Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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