We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
