turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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