i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
