Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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