Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
