And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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