eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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