I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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