I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
