She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
