Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
