bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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