Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
