you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
