the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
