I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
