I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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