Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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