i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
