I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
