Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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