Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
