The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
