its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
