If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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