Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
