I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize