I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
