we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
