where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
as a side note pls kill me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
