im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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