walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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