If i come over, it means nothing
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
