He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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