do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
