Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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