that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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