Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
