maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
