we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
