i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
