Sorry, I don't speak sober.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
