my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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