Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
