i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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