Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
