My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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