It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
