You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
