Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
