I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
