why didn't you poke me back
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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