My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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