He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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