There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
