I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
