i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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