Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
