Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
