Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
