Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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